Sometimes when I see the things fit people are eating I’m like yes you’re skinny but at what cost

I had a high school student ask me if New York City was in New Jersey today and I’m afraid for our future.

airplanes rly open ur eyes to all of the grown ass adults who drink apple juice

when i say “i hate drama” i mean i hate being involved in drama. other people drama? big fan

From now on I will only be barking up the right tree

my nosy ass wouldn’t have left that chat for MONTHS

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It's in a banana but it's also the sun? sure.

sorry for over-explaining myself, i got yelled at a lot as a child

i can relate to the US government because i am also leaving questionably big decisions up to the whims of a mentally ill group chat

Have you ever caught a glimpse of yourself in a self checkout camera at the store and it ruined your day a little bit?

There’s tired, and then there’s “took 7th and 8th graders on a field trip” tired.

listen, you are under no obligation to fall in love with me. however, i would recommend it

Receive thank you email, fight urge to send back thank you email for the thank you email

Pete Hegseth is like “listen, you know how sometimes you take a screenshot, and then accidentally text it back to the person in the screenshot….”

I'm saving eye contact for marriage

I’ll just get gas in the morning ~ Me making a horrible mistake

i love twitter because you see someone losing their mind and you’re just like “omg me tooooo!” *retweet*

If you have to explain the parking situation to me in more than one sentence, I’m not coming.

It’s offensive that Face ID never recognizes me when I have makeup on.

sorry but Elon's bad politics are not the reason it's embarrassing to drive a cyber truck