when you thirst follow someone but then they start making posts of them singing

Remember not to drunk drive on the Fourth of July unless you have somewhere you need to go or if you just want to

Jane Austen reaching the last chapter of a book: and another thing. I am FINISHED writing dialogue. SICK of it. okay some people got married and others didn't. nobody said anything every again, goodbye

reading a book after work instead of watching tik toks

me texting my friends when the worst movie i’ve ever heard of in my life is coming out

this app is too obsessed with age gap discourse. if they’re happy together, let them be

this is exactly what david byrne was wearing under his big suit he just didn’t make a big deal about it

For fans of character actors, this was like Shaq and Kobe teaming up. We’ll never see anything like it again.

me when i have the popcorn that turns me into a gay man

i’m voting for the candidate who proposes the most extreme baby execution policy

there are kate berlants everywhere for those with the eyes to see

i love when a new tv show references an unseen “mom” because it means a potential future guest role for an actress of a certain age

No I didn't see the Northern Lights I was busy looking at my wife

this explains like 60% of the tweets on here

it’s always the loser prescriptions that are ready for pick up at CVS. like i don’t even want that one