fuckin thing sucks, won't even let me kiss bowser

If Austin Butler is really stuck talking like that we may as well have him do a Johnny Bravo movie.

Love to relax after a tough day of work by playing the most stressful video games imaginable.

I like (ok love) Steely Dan but this is inarguably correct

1. respected by peers 2. broadly popular 3. genuinely funny Only the Sklar brothers have all three.

Football: our sport is the ultimate form of physical competition Also football: the rules which govern our game are fundamentally unknowable. Truth is illusory. Holding is a vibe. A catch is a matter of faith, better decided by philosophers or priests.

I truly believe this man could heal America.

Shohei Othani in the World Baseball Classic hit .435/.606/.739 with 4 doubles & a home run. And he had a 1.86 ERA with 11 strikeouts in 9⅔ innings.

Thinking it might finally be time for me to bite the bullet and go back to school (pay $50,000 for a three-day racecar driving class)

Can't tell if I'm watching MLB baseball or Real Time With Bill Maher what with all these new rules!!!

Proud to show solidarity with the WGA by having been laid off several weeks ago!

Now available for podcast appearances to explain what I’m calling “the executive method” (having a martini and Diet Coke every day at lunch, granting access to 150% of natural brainpower)

One (1) extra ticket available for tonight’s The Mountain Goats show in SF, DM me and it’s yours. I heard he’s been doing Dancing In the Dark-style fan pull-ups for Up the Wolves, this could be your big break!

You know Godzilla meat gotta taste crazy

A banner day for bumbling idiots in way over their heads.

Very brave to bomb this hard in one of the hottest rooms in American history