I used to cheat at football manager by creating a new manager and selling the best players of rival teams, then play all their remaining players out of position.

My wife has left me for a man who constantly posts selfies on social media. He's in his 40s. How did I spend 14 years with a woman who thinks that's acceptable.

I eat perpetual stew straight out of the slow cooker. The heat kills any spit germs that get in there, and it saves washing up. Yes, I'm a bachelor.

For a long time I had a recurring dream that I had beheaded an ex-girlfriend and hid her head in my mums hot-press. Sometimes now, years later I still check the hot press just to be sure it wasn't true.

I don't have kids, never wanted them and am happy with my choice. But when I shave I 'teach' my son how best to do it. It's an internal conversation obviously, I'm not mental. His name is Danny.

In April I bumped into an old school friend. We went for some drinks and I confessed I always fancied her. Was pushed away because she's "happily married with kids". Got a text from her this weekend saying the children and husband are away. Didn't know what to do. Ignored it.

My optician is really hot so, I got excited when he asked if I was doing anything this weekend". I replied "nothing I can't cancel" with a cheeky wink. He said "Oh sorry, I just wanted to know if you're likely to be wearing your lenses".

If I spot an airplane in the sky I have to quickly avert my gaze because I have a fear that if I stare at it too long it will burst into flames & fall out of the sky.

Started putting it about work that I was thinking of leaving as I'd had enough, thinking top brass would attempt to keep me with a raise or something. They didn't. In fact they made my life hell & I had no choice but leave. 6 months unemployed so far. Wish I'd kept my gob shut.

Our marriage is on the rocks anyway so the wife wasn't to angry about my affair. What really pissed her off was that the other woman has a dog. I really dislike dogs and have always said no when the kids asked if we could have one.

For the wife's birthday I got her a set of vibrating anal beads that activate via remote clicker. Decided to take them for a "test drive" before giving them to her, turns out I enjoy it so much I wear them to work. Livens up boring meetings. Wife got flowers instead.

My husband often puts in airpods at bedtime to listen to podcasts or videos whilst he falls asleep. I think it is so rude. Currently coming up with a plan to have him "misplace them" after I drain their charge.

I never open the baby gates in my house, I step over them like I'm stepping over the top rope pretending I'm a WWE wrestler

Used to sit near an older guy at work who stank to high heaven. He sent me an email asking about our new systems. I meant to reply with 'no issues' but disastrously keyed a B instead of an N. He did fucking stink though.

It's time for YOU to confess. Maybe you're in love with radiator valves? Add your confession to the form: bit.ly/fessholeform BTW: We also run Anon Opin

My husband loves nothing more than pulling out his ear hairs and then licking then to check on their length. He does this in public too and this is why I will be leaving him.

It was only after the birth of my first child at the age of 38 that I realised belly buttons are a natural creation formed when the umbilical cord drops off and not the result of how a surgeon cuts it off and stitches it up.

I steal a colleague's Apple Mouse every time I get dragged into the office. The first time was because I hate the shit usb ones they give to remote workers, every time since has been because I realised how ridiculously expensive even used ones go for on EBay.

I'm a priest, born in England but living & working in France. Like many churches in France ours has a catacomb beneath it. After a particularly busy week, I like to go down to the catacomb, where the dead guard my scotch and cigars. I spend a while unwinding down there with them.

I have two toilet brushes. The posh one is displayed behind the toilet, but visible to the right. It's for show and is not to be touched. The other is the filthy one that actually gets used and is never washed and is hidden directly behind the toilet.