Hose acid

Aaaaand yup the uber driver is taking us right through the valley of the shadow of death

i love books they're just hard to read sometimes

they invented lyft ride history to tell me how the hell i got home last night

i was looking for a christmas and then i found a christmas. and heaven knows im christmas now

i wasn't gonna drink tonight but i got a text message i didn't like

i feel like if fetty wap was a server he would start everyone off with waters

don't care plus my tits bounce when i shake my drinks

Cocaine got me licking places I wouldn’t go with a sponge.

i got arthritis from hungry hungry hippos

talking to a woman whose bangs lay perfectly while i have a mad cowlick is so dehumanizing

please don't perceive me while i'm riding around on the electric scooter looking for where i left my car last night

due to the fact that it is now spring i will be exclusively wearing my tiniest shorts and my tallest boots and my biggest t shirt every day #fashion

personally if i am wearing a hat and you knock it off my head i will never speak to you again

eating a bunch of stuff that gives me a stomach ache just to feel something

they should invent a cigarette that smokes itself

there is a child in a tree wearing yeezys and an apple watch at the irish festival

i either love my stupid life or i hate my stupid life. god forbids an in between.

a watched tater tot never fries

everybody likes pickles and if you don't you're not to be trusted