Her profile pic be so fine then boom, she drinks like her uncle on the weekends

Blowing off other guys because I’m enamored with a retard

I am so sorry to the environment but i literally love paper towels

if u messaged ur ex a happy new year, go sit inna corner and think bout what u did

this single lyric has altered my brain chemistry and thought process for like 5 years now.

yes i would like one bagel please. just kidding you fucking idiot i would like two bagels please

i love asking 7 different ppl for advice then do what i want

did we not learn from Kayne what a public manic episode looks like

Life is better on vacation

in your 20s a “vacation” should be sleeping on your friend’s couch who lives in a different city than your own. anything beyond that is just greedy and unreasonable.

Hard to be Kesha in a Hailey Bieber world but somebody’s gotta do it

april fools day is plain and ordinary to a scheming little jester like me

whoever made the NTY connections today should be burned at a stake.

Last night was a clinical trial

Whoever wins Jake Paul vs Mike Tyson gets to be secretary of defense

When I die and go to heaven I hope there’s a beer pong table there surrounded by my slimes just waiting for a celeb shot