It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 13 years, since 28 Jul 2009 (via Twi Age 🥳).

if a tree falls in a forest and i have noise cancelling headphones on, does it still crush me alive

“i wish i could buy miss rachel a house” - my wife, expressing her gratitude @MsRachelAccurso

y’all ever realize elmo’s pronouns are just elmo/elmo

camping update: i just hissed at a squirrel

your?? YOUR??!!

if twitter goes down for good i’m going back to foursquare so i can be the mayor of various places around town again

stores that don’t accept tap to pay 🤡

it’s giving…tuesday

*go bankrupt* this holiday season at Panera™!

The incoming weather coupled with the normal recycling bin capacity issues associated with Christmas has got me running at dad alert level 9.5

my wife just gave me the most incredible handmade early christmas present. #ITYSL

why is brandon holding the family puke bowl

every year around this time i’m reminded of the last time i went to get an eye exam in March 2020. i made so many jokes about how “my vision is 2020 too—this must be my year!” and then the rest of March happened.

no but i really do. he just wants a big ol hug

we need a Ticketmaster boycott like yesterday.

my first attempt at #cliqueart tyler jøseph twenty one pilots BLURRYFACE KEONS

hey tyler jøseph can you shine a light on this lyric? just hungry or?

#cliqueart twenty one pilots BLURRYFACE