The opposite of Madagascar is Disappointedatesla.

Boba Fettuccine

My friends Ian has trouble dating. He's super shy and very religious. "Christ Ian! Mingle!"

Society has reached a point where the priority is to argue about whether to condemn, condone, or ignore a billionaire who bought an app instead of all the glaring problems leading to our untimely demise.

Oh no am I a mindless bro who can't read? *searches am I a mindless bro who can't read* WebMD: you have cancer

improving romantic movie scenes with muppets: a necessary thread

Apparently eggplant is actually a fruit. Which means I guess penises are gay.

IUD: You got drunk, took the stick, but luckily something is up your cunt DUI: You got drunk, took the stick, you're a cunt.

A hiccup attack is much different if you have adhd

TRUTH & DARE work for the same company. One in charge of what you did & one of what you might do.

the porn version of ratatouille is called beef stroganoff

Died from Cumming too hard

World Cup & Thanksgiving Welcome To BestHam

Canned cranberry sauce in the fleshlight to own the libs

Sometimes order a pizza and see if I can finish a wank before it arrives, so yes, risk taker is on my resume.

Buy a zoo

Some people are dicks, some are cunts, and some people are both, and they can go fuck themselves.

ME: oof this do something you'll regret everyday thing is tough THEM: it's do something that scares you everyday ME: well I'm not gonna fuck a spider... again...