Yesterday I saw a police officer wearing a pilot's uniform. I thought it was a bit odd. Then I realised he was one of those plane clothes cop. 🤣😂 #WednesdayWit

#wednesdaywit The inventor of yodeling has died. Sadly, so did his little old lady too.

#WednesdayWit Lionel Richie used to take his performing cat to the circus. Oh what a feline, dancing on a sea lion….

I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born. Sadly, there was no plaque on it. #WednesdayWit🍸

#wednesdaywit #lunchpun People who work in botanical science are very snobbish about other gardeners. It's a real haughty culture.

My doctor told me that I won an award for my rare muscle condition. It was atrophy. #LunchPun🍸

The Chinese inventor of the telephoto lens has passed away. RIP Tzu Minh #BadJokeThursday

The inventors of the brochure have died. RIP Pam Flett and her husband, Lee. 😂🤣 #SideSplittingSunday

A mate of mine regrets dating two female psychiatrists at the same time. He says the hangovers were awful, and you should never mix your shrinks…. #LunchPun

I just ate the “recently deceased” column of my newspaper. It was a bit chewy…. #LunchPun

Before I go any further, I should tell you that I own the world's largest suitcase. I know, it's a lot to unpack. #LunchPun

I feel sorry for the Speaker at the House of Commons, with his eyes to the right and his nose to the left #LunchPun

-I once listened to a Queen song while waiting in line to buy a Chinese cooking pan on a gentle slope in Scotland. -Wee hill wok queue? -No, Bohemian Rhapsody! #sillysaturday

I'll never admit that I'm still the one who keeps stopping my wife's 'Man, I Feel Like a Woman' CD, because I've got pausable Shaniability. #LunchPun

I just bought some Fred Flintstone aftershave, it’s strong stuff A little dab’ll do…. #LunchPun

Members of the jury, if you are going to convict Mr Stoat of chewing his way into the bank vault, you need to be satisfied that he is guilty beyond all weasel-nibble doubt. #LunchPun

I've invented a new saying, 'as proud as a Frenchman making strawberry butter', which I'm sure you'll agree is a lovely churn of fraise. #LunchPun

I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels. She said, “Try Sarah Topps.” #MondayMirth🍸

I was addicted to quoting Phil Collins lyrics, but take a look at me now… #LunchPun

The body was found covered in a savoury dip, but we discovered this was applied after death. It was post-hummus. #LunchPun