It must be awkward being a cyclops called Iain.

Food FACT: The original name for 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter', 'Butter, My Arse' was rejected due to problems with punctuation.

“And I also got to work with Aneurin Barnard because we hadn’t worked together since Spring Awakening which was nearly 15 years ago. I heard that they were going after him and I was like on the phone to him, come on man, you’ve got to do it, come on, you’ll be great.”

Where Richard Osman teased me about my sandwiches… bbc.co.uk/news/uk-englan…

I know you don’t like buying clothes, Tim Moore, but… blakemill.co.uk/products/the-m…

Are we allowed to eat anything yet?

Receiving socks Receiving socks as a child as an adult

!!!!!! . @Cassiedisguised

Thank goodness for Top Trumps, Alex Jones, or I’d never get out of WH Smith’s…

the fuck is going on with Spain

Direct quote from Elizabeth I:

Remember - many supermarkets will soon be closed for a day or two, so don't forget to panic buy five months' worth of food.

But how does being a Bishop and a Knight at the same time affect how he moves in a game of chess?

My wife just asked me to de-scale the kettle, but I've only just reached its summit and the views of the kitchen are breathtaking.

‘Twas the night before the night before Christmas. Mice everywhere.

Another reason I wrap with kitchen foil…

New boyfriend is allergic to kitten so can't keep him :( He's ginger & named Tom. Friendly. Comes when called. 28yrs-old & works in IT.

FILM IDEA. Planet of the Apes but with chickens. I'm calling it Chicken Of The Apes.

Daddy bear: my porridge is too hot. Mummy bear: my porridge is too cold. Baby bear: aren't we supposed to eat fish?

Christmas Eve is good because you can shout “DON’T COME IN HERE!!!” and people assume you’re wrapping their presents, rather than just wanting to be left alone.