ℹ️ We will be providing updates for London Paddington station daily to ensure your journey is as bumpy as possible.

Devastating. #justiceforthepigeon #PuttingPassengersLast

We don't apologize that there will be no biscuits in the First Class lounge today. A wild rat broke in and took them all last night following @GWFailway's generous donation of five packets of custard creams.

Platform 2 is closed following an adelante (on hire from Grand Cancel) exploding. We will leave the train there for six months for passengers to admire as part of the "Rail art in London" scheme, funded by Rishi Sunak and Conservatives.

⚠️ We're happy to announce the next menu item in the First Class lounge. Department for Transport can we have our funding now please?

📢 After having our account locked by Twitter (twice), we are happy to announce we are back!

This will end up taking longer than expected and will be over budget, Network Fail has told us.

📢 SERVICE DISRUPTION: All Westbound (that's towards Reading) Elizabeth Line trains are terminating at Paddington due to a plastic Tesco bag being blown onto the line. Tickets are not being accepted on @GWFailway services, because they hate tourists. #ElizabethLine #Paddington

This is ^JO signing off for the night. We'll be sure to do nothing if anything happens overnight.

Good Morning from ^JO. Our friends at Network Rail Western are still spending your money on that ugly bridge in Newquay. Your First Class lounge is open today, but no food will be available due to shortages (the budget ran out) and we are waiting on Department for Transport for more money.

You should definitely take the Heathrow Express, brings in more money compared to the Elizabeth Line.

Love that highly effective sea wall our friends at Network Rail Western are building for @GWFailway and Cross-Chaos Trains

Thank you, Network Fail! You're excellent at your job!

Who decided to put a railway here? We love them.

We don't have to deal with it. LOL! ^JO

Yes, locking passengers inside Network Rail stations is how we hire employees to staff the Network Fail account.

Better just cancel them all, Transport Failed London. You too @GWFailway! ^JO

Morning all, just a reminder that Paddington will be closed over Christmas due to (conveniently placed) engineering works! Sorry not sorry!

When we say "upgrades" we mean duct taping the OHLE and track that @GWFailway definitely broke on purpose back together!