doing a full face just to smoke weed and read a book in my room

i fw all types of music, they callin me polyjammerous

“if you sleep in the afternoon, you won't sleep at night” me in the afternoon and night:

when I text “interesting” this how i be looking

No offense but having a job makes me want to kill myself

"aww you remembered" of course I did, I am a manipulator

Girl Math is making more money instead of cutting expenses.

dating straight men is so hard like why are u not asking what fun little things I have in my purse

networking (trying to find friends with a boat)

not to be controversial but you should be allowed to leave work early to get drinks if the weather is nice enough

I can never detect love bombing because that’s exactly how you should act as soon as you meet me!

i’m so high at home depot rn, and i have to ask where the hose at and i know ima laugh when i do

you gotta hear your partner read out loud before you commit. and I’m being so serious.

no babe i love when we go out and everyone recognizes you

My therapist steady telling me it’s not fair to just stop talking to people idk I’m finna stop talking to her ass next 😭

fool me once, aw man why dude what, fool me twice, aw dude what the hell man fuck, fool me three times, aw shit dude what the fuck man

happy short king week (5/5-5/9) to those who celebrate!!!

taking a sip of beer and then letting out a big “ahhhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what shes missing

when a girl says “5 mins” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter and both teams have all their timeouts