ate an açaí bowl and it cancelled out every bad decision I made this past weekend

sorry I’m late I’ve been trying to cancel this print job for months

ur in her dms, I’m ripping my hair out trying to understand microsoft excel

ur in her DMs, I’m at the back of the bar shazaming these tracks

my redbull vodka just spilled

a car guy but he’s just really into the movie Cars

acidentally said yes to 3 separate friendsgivings and having a panic attack

no one- country music- chicken fried jeans that fit just right

nothing intimidates me more than the cheesecake factory menu

babe are you okay? you haven’t posted your 2021 spotify wrapped yet

my friend broke up with his girlfriend and she tried to get him back by emailing him a taco bell gift card so I hope to date someone like that one day

“how is this bird app free 😂” it’s not. our mental health is the price we pay

IVs are just fancy beer bongs

when I saw them OXO good grips containers with the labels for quinoa I knew she was the one

being friends with my friends is like an unpaid internship

farmhouse rustic is the gen x equivalent to ripped jeans for millennials

yea I wish it wasn’t

*contributes to 2 questions at trivia* me- wow I’m a genius

Got a free taco for tweeting about it. I’ve reached my peak Condado Tacos

Red lobster deserves a Michelin star fr