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Washington: "And we will divide this football league into eight divisions that are all based on geographic region!" "Brilliant, sir. So a western division will be made up of all western cities?" "Yes, precisely, like Kansas City, Missouri." "Uhhhhhh" "And in the East, we will

TFW when your omelette with fine herbs and microgreens refuses to roll and decides, instead, to squidge #AnnualLeave

Now she's going to have toupee for things x

Very important that this is investigated properly and people consider next steps appropriately. Would be wrong for an individual to feta their discretion. bbc.co.uk/news/articles/…

Here’s a bloke who thinks he’s changed a woman’s mind… And a woman who reckons it’s easier to nod along when someone’s mansplaining coz the ballot is secret…

Without warning, your best friend of 35 years cuts the nose off a wedge of Stilton. Should you remain friends?

They’ve changed the phasing on the pedestrian crossing near my house, fundamentally changing my crossing time and strategy. I’ve not felt so Partridge since about lunchtime when I complained to myself about something similar.

CNN have a video wall the size of, erm, a wall. We have a small TV delivered by Amazon this morning

Close race

Bye for now.