I was not made to be subtle.

My twins opened a shoe shop and tried to sell me my own shoes for 80 billion. There was some back and forth but in the end they settled for a chocolate muffin and some grapes

I’m already planning my Halloween makeup like I think I’m going to acquire some kind of social life by then

found out today that in my 7-unit "no pets allowed" apartment building, I am the only one without a cat. I've been surrounded by secret cats this whole time

I need to lay on the floor about this

Some souls feel each other, even miles apart.

My daughter started school today so I’ll just be over here eating cheese toasties and crying over her baby pictures until pick up time

I’m caught between needing new glasses and having already seen too much.

I NEED a variegated Philodendron Anderson 🌿

A remarkable plant corner 🌿

We were going to watch a TV show as a family but my kids are watching other kids on YouTube watch TV with their families.

I’m not responsible for the version of me you’ve created.

Can some romantic shit happen to me for fuck sake

My kids woke up and chose to be the three-est three year olds who’ve ever three’d.

Lord, please clear my mind from overthinking. i'm tired.

Mama, remember when we saw that flock of motorcycles?

Steve Bannon has now been indicted more times than he has bathed

you’re laughing. queen elizabeth is about to be reincarnated as trisha paytas’ baby and you’re laughing.

The fuzziest plant I've ever seen 🌿