Trying to sneak some candy and my kid is one giant step ahead of me 🤣

She's a ten. Keeps me dry when camping, easy to pack up and take wherever - hang on, being told that's a tent.

Her: A group of iguanas is called a Mess. I love that. Him: What happens if they get overheated? Her: I see where this is going. Don't even think of- Him: *whispers* hot mess.

Even at the age of 46, if someone asks me to "Guess what?", I still respond "chicken butt." And I always will.

My kids complain I say the S-word to them too much. Shower. The S-word is shower.

Like a fallen ice cube kicked under the refrigerator, these are the days of our lives.

*Googles "how to get rid of belly fat"* Google: Have you considered not eating a whole bag of Reese's peanut butter cups in one sitting?

My 6yo announced loudly in the store, OH NO CHEESE, MY ONLY ENEMY, so I had to pretend not to know him

Thoughts for my 6yo who is making difficult decisions in the zoo gift shop and muttering to himself “it’s not my last time here, it’s not my last time here”

A bed and breakfast with an oxygen bar. Call it an Air B&B.

When my husband says I don't get out enough with the kids when they're off school in the summer, I like to remind him it's called being a stay-at-home mom and not a leave-the-house mom.

Shoutout to smoking, the original ozempic

We’re onto the *here’s your iPad and yes please do stay on it at all times *part of the school holidays.

I put on the workout clothes I packed for our travels, but never used, to run some errands so they wouldn't feel left out.

After 16 years of marriage you too can have the following conversation: Wife: I need duct tape Me: OK I’ll grab the duct tape Wife: No *I* need the duct tape Me: Yea I’m getting it for you Wife: What? Me: Wife: Me: Do you want duct tape? Wife: Yeah can you get it for me?

It was the best of times, it was the trying to get to the recipe at the bottom of a food blog of times

Me: please help me remember to get lettuce at the store Daughter: ok, I’ll LETTUCE remember that

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Your honor, I refer you to the precedent setting landmark case of Smelt It vs Dealt It.