moving from brooklyn to berlin because i am sick of dating djs and want to date more djs

this is true for me as well

i hate when i get broken up with and my friends are like “dont worry he was ugly” . Ok .. do not tell me the Fruit is rotten after i have already Eaten Of It

timothee chalamet is balding soft launch

getting mad that a white boy is annoying in an improv class is like getting mad at a snake for shedding its skin…or at a caterpillar for becoming a butterfly….

(eric adams voice) this cell is the new york of this prison

THIS WEDNESDAY The most EXTREME comedy show to ever take place in Bushwick is back, and this time, it’s personal! See a hard hitting lineup of the greatest heavyweight comedians this city has to offer including Josh Gondelman shaunak godkhindi sila puhl Ari Kaplan(Leftist Memes) and more!

i go to the gym 6 days a week eat 220g of protein a day and run 4 times a week so i can play toys harder

when is national situationship that ended in horror and flames day

dating a leftist is all fun and games until you get dumped and then have to walk through bushwick

id watch megalopolis if it were called something awesome like megasloppytopolis thank you and good night

to be alive is to know no peace

just became friends with a hideous looking beast. people keep taking pictures of her because shes so hideous. then they are submitting those pictures to “bigfootsightings.com.” really interesting to see how people treat bigfoot

Have never had this response to this joke before but there’s a first for everything

turning 25 three days before the election . Oh Well . . no matter what happens the End looms

This Sunday 11/3! Discover the rising class of NYC comedy at NEWCOMERS hosted by Chris Gethard! Featuring sets by sila puhl Keegan Tindall Faris Hytiaa Ash Diggs shaunak godkhindi meredith 🍉 Kelly Bachman tommy brennan + MORE! 🎟️: tinyurl.com/yck7jak9

voted for my first female presidential candidate on the way to my improv class show u ever have a day that is so liberal it physically hurts a lot

Here’s how I know Kamala Harris is going to win: - I voted for her 7 billion times

im so afraid of what theyre going to do with the placenta

i picked the perfect time to be born wasian