this is so funny like imagine watching a hockey game for the first time and at the end of the game every dude on the ice is punching and tackling each other while rats n stuff are being thrown on the ice and then the camera pans to THIS

I just wanted to be one with nature while floating down the river... Nature took that seriously and fucked me over in the rocky rapids. She really wanted me all to herself

The smell of a brand new cello is my new favorite smell. So, don't talk to me unless you smell like a cello. Thank you. 🤣

I just remembered when I was in Minneapolis a guy almost hit a girl with his car, and then he backed up and almost hit me on the crosswalk. A Minneapolis Police officer stood and watched the whole thing, did nothing and then told me I had to be more aggressive. Minneapolis Police

I think about Her once a week

I need a 5 Seconds of Summer and ✨SUBTRONICS✨ song NOW

Seeing all these posts about Las Vegas flooding, is making me think about the thousand + people that are living under the city in the tunnels who probably didn't get out. And that's something I want people to be covering .

So diligent.

I'm legit the main character of a slow burn romance

I just got mocked by an IRS employee and she ended the call laughing at me. What a wonderful time to be alive...

Shaggy Rodgers became a man in a mask

I’m not super stitious, but I am a little stitious

🎵🎵🎵 It's beginning to look a lot like April

Not well Elmo. NOT WELL.

Damn.... Mufasa died twice. I'm not okay

Them: "you are so strong, you handled and processed their deaths so well" Me: "Really? I haven't been sober since September 2019. So tell me, does that sound like I handled it well?"