Just because you’re dysregulated, doesn’t mean they’ve done something wrong. Sometimes your nervous system activates not because of THEM, but because of YOUR history. Ask: who’s reacting here? Adult me? A younger version of myself? That will help guide your next steps.

Every time you do something healing, you’re doing it for yourself today AND all the younger versions of yourself that didn’t know how to. Imagine your younger selves sitting around you, watching you show up for yourself—and them. Say, “this is what healing looks like”.

When someone gaslights you, they are trying to get you to buy into THEIR narrative and invalidate YOURS. The way to deal with gaslighting is to STAND FIRM in your reality (ie, “this is what I heard/remember…”). Your experience of what happened isn’t up for debate. Period.

If you want a more regulated nervous system think SLOWER and SOFTER. Slow down: Drop the urgency. Breathe deeper. Give yourself extra time to get places. Do less. And soften up: drop your shoulders, unclench your jaw, loosen your grip, release tension that you’re holding onto.

Relationship tip: “I feel like YOU need to…” “I feel THAT…” Are NOT “I statements”. “I feel (sad, hurt, disappointed, afraid…).” THAT’S an “I statement”.

Remembering this will help you feel freer: Many adults you interact with are actually children in adult bodies. Understanding poor behavior doesn’t change it, but it certainly helps you set boundaries and move on.

There's no shame in struggling with your mental health. Having anxiety/depression is not your fault, and there are more people than you'll ever know struggling right alongside you. Reaching out for help shows strength, not weakness.

Relationship tip: You don't need fully formed thoughts to start a hard conversation. Don't let rumination hold you back. It's enough to say, "Feelings are coming up for me. I'm confused and not sure how to express it, but it feels important to talk.”

Relationship tip: Communicate in small chunks. When you have something important to say, break it up point by point, pause, and ask your partner to reflect back what they heard before continuing. Doing this will help keep THEM out of overwhelm and help YOU feel heard.

You get to have RELATIONSHIP STANDARDS: a list of qualities that are NONNEGOTIABLE in the relationships you invest in and pursue. Honesty, integrity, and emotional safety are all things you deserve. Don’t give those front row tickets to your life out too freely.

One of the most powerful things to say to yourself or someone going through a hard time is, “it’s ok to feel this way. Your feelings make sense.” At the root of VALIDATION is PRESENCE. Allowing yourself to gently be with what’s ALREADY HERE is the ticket to emotional freedom.

September energy: Do one SMALL thing that you know will make you feel good AND that you’ve been pushing off. Taking small steps creates the energy that allows you to keep on showing up. There’s nothing like being proactive to get ahead of feeling stuck.

In healthy relationships, it can’t be about “right” or “wrong”. It has to be about “both right”. Accepting that we each have our reality helps with validation and empathy, nipping arguments in the bud. What’s more, it forms the foundation for emotional safety and intimacy.

If you’re feeling stuck, focus on acts of kindness Not only is kindness scientifically shown to be a great coping tool, reminding yourself that the energy you put out into the world will come back to find you is a reassuring thought on those rainy days.

Relationship tip: Big emotional injury requires big repair.

Underrated life hack: Identify what gives you purpose and meaning in life, and make a point of connecting to those things, in small ways, every single day.

The next time you're feeling indecisive, try this: Ask yourself: "In the long run, what choice will bring me closer to a regulated nervous system?" Let that be your compass.