D E A D P O O L (@douchep00l) 's Twitter Profile
D E A D P O O L

@douchep00l

.ᵂᴬᴰᴱ ᵂᴵᴸˢᴼᴺ. | . "Love is blind, Wade.” . . . “ɴᴏ, ᵞᴼᵁ'ᴿᴱ ʙʟɪɴᴅ." | [ ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ ʙʏ #ᴅɪsᴛɪɴɢᴜᴇ ]

ID: 1029432584852385792

calendar_today14-08-2018 18:20:28

419 Tweet

63 Takipçi

54 Takip Edilen

D E A D P O O L (@douchep00l) 's Twitter Profile Photo

ᴰᴱᴬᴰᴾᴼᴼᴸ "ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ᴇᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ ᴏғ Sᴛᴀʀ ᴛʀᴇᴋ. ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʟᴀssɪᴄ. ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀʟᴅ ɢᴜʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʟᴏᴏᴋs ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴘʀᴏғᴇssᴏʀ X." • ʟɪᴛᴇʀᴀᴛᴇ/ᴅᴇsᴄʀɪᴘᴛɪᴠᴇ • ᴄʀᴏssᴏᴠᴇʀs ᴡᴇʟᴄᴏᴍᴇ • sʜɪᴘs ᴡ/ᴄʜᴇᴍ • 18 + ʀᴛ?

D E A D P O O L (@douchep00l) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Wade hangs his head, sliding against the wall all the way down to the floor. “Yeah, me too. I messed up. Big time. Have you ever skipped out on your super sexy, amazing, hooker, rainbow cup cake woman on Valentine’s Day?” Pulls out a handkerchief.

D E A D P O O L (@douchep00l) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Wilson twitches awake next to his ball and chain, ɴᴇssᴀ. hands griping the bedcovers in momentary panic, something between a gasp and a yell escaping his chest.

D E A D P O O L (@douchep00l) 's Twitter Profile Photo

“I was subtly demanded to go get a magical cancer cure once... That turned out /exactly as expected/. I came out wrinkly, old, and cancerous as fuck.”

D E A D P O O L (@douchep00l) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Runs, slides, and jumps on top of ɴᴇssᴀ. , their bed catching most of his fall. “You’re like a gateway drug... you know that? I got hooked on you years ago and now I sleep on park benches and talk to myself.”

D E A D P O O L (@douchep00l) 's Twitter Profile Photo

“Come on, you know we can’t talk about that...” white dad voice activated. Looks around as if it’s a goddamn secret. “HELL YES I DID! What did you do this week?”

ᴄᴏᴘʏᴄᴀᴛ. (@mutantcarlysle) 's Twitter Profile Photo

— ᴍᴏʀᴘʜɪɴɢ ᴍᴜᴛᴀɴᴛ ᴀᴋᴀ ᏟᎾᏢYᏟᎪᎢ •ᴍᴇʀᴄᴇɴᴀʀʏ & ᴇsᴄᴏʀᴛ• —>ᴀʟᴛ ᴜɴɪᴠᴇʀsᴇ|ᴄᴏᴍɪᴄ ɪɴsᴘɪʀᴇᴅ|ᴍᴀᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇʀ = ᴍᴀᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇᴍᴇs •ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ ʙʏ #ɓɾίαɾ

D E A D P O O L (@douchep00l) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Just in time f o r HALLOWEEN! It was his master plan all along. The trick-or-treaters are in for some— “Hey baby.” Cute little wave. Oh he’s so sweet and unassuming. Not guilty of anything EVER.

D E A D P O O L (@douchep00l) 's Twitter Profile Photo

He’s still waving for a second before his wrist buckles, hand flopping in disappointment. “I’ve been living in a dentists office...under the counter. That’s how I’m feeding my rampant drug addiction. Kids kick my shins when they sit in the chair, Ness....”

D E A D P O O L (@douchep00l) 's Twitter Profile Photo

He holds up one finger to her and one to the camera. “I’m not talking normal kids, Vanessa. IM TALKING FInDiNG neMO MOTHER FUCKERS.”