ᴰᴱᴬᴰᴾᴼᴼᴸ "ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ᴇᴘɪsᴏᴅᴇ ᴏғ Sᴛᴀʀ ᴛʀᴇᴋ. ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʟᴀssɪᴄ. ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀʟᴅ ɢᴜʏ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʟᴏᴏᴋs ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴘʀᴏғᴇssᴏʀ X." • ʟɪᴛᴇʀᴀᴛᴇ/ᴅᴇsᴄʀɪᴘᴛɪᴠᴇ • ᴄʀᴏssᴏᴠᴇʀs ᴡᴇʟᴄᴏᴍᴇ • sʜɪᴘs ᴡ/ᴄʜᴇᴍ • 18 + ʀᴛ?

Wade hangs his head, sliding against the wall all the way down to the floor. “Yeah, me too. I messed up. Big time. Have you ever skipped out on your super sexy, amazing, hooker, rainbow cup cake woman on Valentine’s Day?” Pulls out a handkerchief.

Wilson twitches awake next to his ball and chain, ɴᴇssᴀ. hands griping the bedcovers in momentary panic, something between a gasp and a yell escaping his chest.

That’s some cheap cocaine. You hear that AL?

—— ;

I’m the luckiest kind of ugly.

Runs and j u m p s onto ɴᴇssᴀ. ‘s back like fucking Yoda.

—— ; ᴛʜᴇ ᴀɴᴀᴛᴏᴍʏ ᴏғ a fucking testicle.

“I was subtly demanded to go get a magical cancer cure once... That turned out /exactly as expected/. I came out wrinkly, old, and cancerous as fuck.”

Runs, slides, and jumps on top of ɴᴇssᴀ. , their bed catching most of his fall. “You’re like a gateway drug... you know that? I got hooked on you years ago and now I sleep on park benches and talk to myself.”

B U D D Y.

He’s gonna RUFFLE HIS HAIR. Total dad move. It’s his bIRtHrIGHt.

“Come on, you know we can’t talk about that...” white dad voice activated. Looks around as if it’s a goddamn secret. “HELL YES I DID! What did you do this week?”

— ᴍᴏʀᴘʜɪɴɢ ᴍᴜᴛᴀɴᴛ ᴀᴋᴀ ᏟᎾᏢYᏟᎪᎢ •ᴍᴇʀᴄᴇɴᴀʀʏ & ᴇsᴄᴏʀᴛ• —>ᴀʟᴛ ᴜɴɪᴠᴇʀsᴇ|ᴄᴏᴍɪᴄ ɪɴsᴘɪʀᴇᴅ|ᴍᴀᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇʀ = ᴍᴀᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇᴍᴇs •ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ ʙʏ #ɓɾίαɾ

His dic just shrank?

Just in time f o r HALLOWEEN! It was his master plan all along. The trick-or-treaters are in for some— “Hey baby.” Cute little wave. Oh he’s so sweet and unassuming. Not guilty of anything EVER.

He’s still waving for a second before his wrist buckles, hand flopping in disappointment. “I’ve been living in a dentists office...under the counter. That’s how I’m feeding my rampant drug addiction. Kids kick my shins when they sit in the chair, Ness....”

He holds up one finger to her and one to the camera. “I’m not talking normal kids, Vanessa. IM TALKING FInDiNG neMO MOTHER FUCKERS.”

“Her crazy matches my crazy.”

|| It was time for a new layout for my bby boi