A will is a dead giveaway.

You know you’re dreading your destination when you welcome traffic.

Is motherfucker gender neutral?

Avoid dangerous cults. Practice safe sects.

I lost my mood ring. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I enjoy seedy breads cuz it’s nice to find random seeds for snacks later. This is the closest I’ll ever get to understanding beards.

If you’re on the street and see random bubbles, it might be me. We need more bubbles.

If only I were a Linux os.. cuz I could use a “shutdown now”

Taking my cat to couples’ counselling.

Introvert ghosts let the Ouija Board go to voicemail.

Cameras set up inside a house are creepy af. I want to be able to pick my nose without being watched.

Kinda feels like my mom should be paid if she’s gonna be my sister’s personal cam girl.

Menopause is like post nut clarity.. I get it guys.

I love listening to my cat snore. The cat gravity is strong and makes it hard to study on an autumn evening.

My ex and I made a terrible coupling. 2 for 2 on suicide watch. FML

At the ER and heard a dude screaming profanity at the nurses for a solid 5 minutes before I heard them call a code white. We don’t pay nurses enough.

I don’t have time to be judgmental to others, that’s reserved for myself.

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? Cuz they don’t have the guts. #ThanksChatGBT

Elon2029?