Idk how to explain this to a bunch of dorks with no social life, but the point of a bartender is that they are human

brat:

If I ever hear a man say your body, my choice out loud in person with his whole chest I’m going to jail & y’all better bail me out

NEW‼️‼️‼️ NEW‼️‼️‼️‼️ NEW FUCKING CRUSTAAAAAAACEAAAAAAANNNNN‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️❕️‼️❕️‼️❕️‼️❕️‼️‼️❕️‼️❕️‼️❕️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥

I know a bitch for the job

"I hate Valentine's day it's such a made up holiday" Yeah made up for ME, shut up

(Sobbing) I love fashion and crime so much bro

bars should offer you a complementary cigarette once you’ve hit your 4th drink

Bill Braun creates paintings that look like construction paper

if they abolish OSHA i will use the forklift for evil

“exciting news” is an understatement about something that has me in tears

they should let me go inside everyones house just to see

When you reach 100 years old in Barbados, you get a stamp in your honor.

Mostly, I want to be kind.

being a court jester would be a freaking dream. Silly little hat with bells on it. Running absolutely amuck. Cartwheels, handstands, the twirly one… saying weird little things and then covering my face like “hee hee I tomfooled you” I’d be an absolute force . I’d write history

me asking everyone how they like their burger before I cook them all exactly the same

this is why there’s no song called fuck the fire department

how would a fish smoke the joint