A couple guys in hard hats just tape measured the front of our store. That can't be good, right?

The worst thing I have done in 2016 is tell my 2 year old he's gonna grow up and get no bitches.

Taylor swift has been single for like 2 months. has anyone checked on her? she might be dead or something.

The hoes are surprisingly pretty loyal.

The most annoying thing about being Canadian is knowing more about America than I know about Canada. WHAT THE HELL IS A METRIC SYSTEM

I once dated a girl for 2 months because she has a trampoline.

Back when twitter didn't give you a preview of pictures. In the good ol days You had to click the link to see them x.com/definitelyswag…

Bad News: The Big 12 Championship Trophy was broken today. Good News: We have 9 others. #BoomerSooner

When you accidentally swipe left on a girl who has a horse

I'm going to bed, and when I wake up, y'all better be doing a better job at not being shitty to each other, k?

Does the sound of noisy eating drive you mad? Here's why ti.me/2l3HoyP

"If the plural form of goose is geese, why don't we call them geesebumps?" -a girl walking behind me today

This made me question life x.com/samanthap___/s…

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 4 years (since 15 Apr 2013). And you? TwiAge.com

It's #MyTwitterAnniversary! I have been on Twitter for 5 years (since 15 Apr 2013). And you? TwiAge.com