Took me everything I had today to not tell the guy who told me I need to shave my legs to lay off the burgers and jelly notes. Cuz yes sir I really need to impress men exactly like you lmfaoooooo

Went through the McDonald’s line to get something small so I could also give getting quarters for laundry a shot. When I asked the response I got was “wE AiNt No BaNk” lol a simple no would have sufficed

I haven’t seen or heard anything about those stupid fuckin big mouth billy bass things since I was a kid and in the last two months I’ve seen four different references of it used wtf

Me: “I wish I could dance well” her: “I don’t” me: “why?” Her: “cuz I’d be a thot if I did”

Propaganda: when you see it on your uncles Facebook page, you know it’s working

People need to knock it off with the Christmas shit already

Everytime I visit Sioux Falls I’m more and more tempted to move there

This. This is it chief

I be takin a scoop and a half of preworkout everyday pretending like it’s not the exact same fuckin effect on my liver and kidneys that the alcohol had lol

Jesus Christ, this is embarrassing. #Debate2020

Stroke, brain aneurysms and heart attack rates just skyrocketed in the past hour alone thanks to this fucking shitstorm of a debate

We like what he’s done with the place. Season 5 of The Eric Andre Show premieres Sunday, October 25 at midnight on #adultswim

I’m sorry but everytime I see posts about people talking about the rapture soon I audibly laugh out loud lmfao rigggght

I fall down these true crime and political rabbit holes and I get sickened to the point of being affected for days and staying up being depressed about the current state of the world. Need to check out of my phone more often than I do and quit fuckin ghosting my therapist.

Political ads whether they be local or nationwide don’t even address actual issues anymore.

I hate the fact that I associate the breeders with a good friend dying. Bums me out when good stuff reminds me of traumatic times.

Gotta wonder what Trump’s concession speech would look and sound like, given the hypothetical of a Biden win. Would it just be one gigantic pouting session and temper tantrum?

Either way the building an anxiety is making me feel like I’m gonna have a heart attack. Thinking about it way too much.

Donald—I appreciate the free publicity for Borat! I admit, I don’t find you funny either. But yet the whole world laughs at you. I’m always looking for people to play racist buffoons, and you’ll need a job after Jan. 20. Let’s talk! hollywoodlife.com/2020/10/24/don…

Anderson Cooper, folks.