Pub trivia can be awkward because the subject can be something like A.L.F. and then you have to admit to your friend group that you know what A.L.F. stands for, what he eats, what planet he's from and his actual name.

I am finding that the older I get, the less patience I have, specially for stupid stuff that other's do . . .

My dream job would just be me driving the karma bus

It’s finally Summer in July

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

It’s been a productive quarter. I’ve written over a week’s worth of positive affirmations for my affirmation-a-day calendar.

I saw your soulmate eating a salad (red flag) and remarking that it was "refreshing" (20 red flags)

Two guy and a girl and a pizza place. Oops I meant lawsuits, over a movie called It Ends With Us.

*hissing* i'm great thanks

my toxic trait is thinking i'll enjoy outdoor seating in july

Just stretching a bit while the northern lights are going off on my Pokémon screen…

Get the fuck in, we're going to the museum.

BREAKING: Donald Trump just said he's considering stripping US born citizen Rosie O'Donnell of her citizenship. This is what leaders like Hitler would try to do. Imagine if Biden said he was going to strip Trump of his citizenship. Imagine the outrage by MAGA. This is

Now thats a kids party I could join!

Just find a pretty rock today and you'll be fine.

Oh to have been a fly on the wall because then my utter lack of comprehension would be explainable.

I look like a former athlete. Like maybe a bowler

"Today is my lucky day" I whispered to no one then a bird pooped on my head.

Three & a half minutes of a remastered film featuring the Hollywood Hills & Beachwood Cyn during the roaring 20s.

I'm going to watch a dumb comedy about it