Yeah bro, I’ve seen the rain. The fuck kind of question is that

Which wine pairs best with Cheetos?

Probably should have rethought ordering a hot dog at a bar

[Being raided by the FBI]: can i get you all something to drink

This is assault

The liquor store clerk just wished me Merry Christmas like he's not going to see me 8 more times before then.

That’s ok, no one likes your tweets either.

Whatever people that fall asleep immediately what the fuck ever.

so apparently it’s still a dui even if youre the birthday boy

🚩 🚩🚩on the first date and I’m the only one who orders a drink

Called my boss a cuntbag today so if anyone is hiring an upper mid level exec position in a tropical environment lmk

Shhh. The Taylor Swift fame is on y’all!!

Holy shit kelce

Five grand to see another kelce heart

wait until you realise there is plenty of fish in the sea but none are for you

Anyone still holding out for a hero?

Quick what’s Spanish for mayo plz

taylor swift flew from across the world to support her boyfriend in the super bowl tonight while IN THE MIDDLE OF A WORLD TOUR and i’ve been in the same pajamas for 3 days straight.

They should dump Gatorade on the losing coach instead of the winning coach. Go cry about it you sticky bitch

Classy vs trashy and class wins every time.