Trade in process w @tesla is a nightmare. Going on week 6 & nobody has any answers or returns calls or emails. May report my old car stolen and sell it to CarMax instead. People rely on this money. Elon Musk Mark B. Spiegel CleanTechnica

If this doesn't medically explain whats going on with Markelle Fultz idk what does. Explains pump faking foul shot and Fultz discussed diagnosis w Caron Butler on TV last year. The Ringer Bill Simmons @KevinOConnorNBA Brian Windhorst sportsandortho.com/minneapolis/sc…

I bet the folks at Cadbury were banking on an entirely different level of egg related seasonality

Oven companies out here talking bout “self cleaning” when we need apps to turn on/off/change temp, live cam to see what’s cooking, stats like “0 to 400 in 5 mins”. What else? Grow up ovens!

Pandemic Diaries: My 4 year old woke up the whole house at 3:34am last night because she was blaring a 2Chainz song on repeat and insisting we go eat breakfast. Her defense when I told her to go to bed was "but this song's really good".

What a perfectly targeted phishing attempt.

Our water filter is broken and it takes almost 2 full minutes to fill a glass of water and as a result we’re often drinking tap water. Please respect our family’s privacy during this difficult time.

Proud of my dude instagram.com/p/CLUWTXuDTQ_/…

@hewey_lewey yup. That man is a legend.

if you're serious about getting your own business up this year, you have to check this out - tinyurl.com/d5yu74k

@hewey_lewey on it

Get ready to receive emails from every company that has ever crossed your mind over the next 24 hours

Dear silverware companies - Put way more big forks in every set. Sincerely, Everybody.

@BriggsLunch thought we were supposed to play Sunday? Let's play this weekend. I'll spot you 5 points.

@BriggsLunch hope you Briggs your A game. Want me to Brigg you a Gatorade from the store?

Never depend on anyone that keeps a Bluetooth earpiece in his ear all day #fatherlyadvice

Has anyone ever flown out of the closest gate at the airport? I'm usually at least a 5 to 8 auntie anne's walk away from my gate.

RT Mike Birbiglia: I love the troops. Bc if they weren't the troops, I would be the troops. And I would be the worst troops. Happy Memorial Day.

This Friday night I'll be live on stage at The Borgata in Atlantic City, New Jersey with my pal JB Smoove. BORGATA JB Smoove

You ever hear The Big Bang Theory is the most watched show on TV and wonder who actually watches that terrible show? See electoral map.