This is important.

Playing Wii Sports: Me: *swings bat and almost hits wife in the face” Wife: “Careful you almost punched me!” Me: “It’s okay; we’re safe. I have my wrist strap on.”

It'll probably get more favorites than my regular tweets

@LegitHamburger We are sorry to have let down you and your 17 followers.

Who Wore It Better? Cc Jimmy Fallon

I wonder how much paper I've eaten as a consequence of saying "screw it" after not getting all of the adhesive off of a McDonald's cone.

Critical of me even now x.com/tatertotc/stat…

Me, trying to eat healthy at In N Out: I should probably get two burgers; the lettuce is good for me.

I've been engaged for 10 and a half months and our wedding is less than 2 months away but we finally have a wedding hashtag! #roadtorapa

It's finally happening!! x.com/disasterartist…

Today's the day Albus Severus Potter boards the Hogwarts Express at King's Cross for the first time #19yearslater ⚡️

retweet if

I regret voicing my doubts & insecurities in public.Creative differences are a common element of any project but usually remain private. All I wanted was to make good movie. I got more than that- Rian Johnson made an all-time GREAT one! #HumbledHamill x.com/StupendousWave…

Tom Haverford is a bit tougher to watch now...

Compounding irony ft. a certain guest star...

THIS happened today...

Recent grads on LinkedIn: