wife: why r u putting garlic in ur pants me: so dracula won’t try to eat my ass wife: why would dracula try to eat ur ass me: he won’t. the garlic- r u even listening

“oh god what time is it?!” [i check my watch, it’s 9 in the afternoon] “not again” i groan [my eyes swell to the size of the moon]

fantasy

yayyy i love this little otter so much i’ve been at WERK looking for this shiny 🫶

drew barrymore being a fucking scab has rocked me to my core

imagine thinking “thor” is taika waititi’s best work while attempting to drag “what we do in the shadows” and “jojo rabbit” through the mud i can’t take these marvel brained hoes seriously

looking for more pokemon go friends who will be committed gift openers! will join remote raids to help out as much as i can if you’re into that too. sending gifts from oregon 🌲 🏔️ IGN TBCdangerkart trainer code 👇 218179709521

ok you’ve convinced me. now i’ve bought an espresso machine, underoath tickets, and reserved a bowling lane before noon

your man looks like he drops common loot when defeated

who’s ready for go fest day 2? #PokemongoFest2024

cooked those euro freaks 😭

finally… i hit level 50 thanks to 2x XP during magnemite spotlight hour 😌

America every 4 years

michael jackson’s doctor could not put me to sleep rn

this is me if you even care

w

LeBron never did that

The Blazers at practice on Monday, trying to figure out a way to guard Wemby