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Once you make your first billion you should be immediately forced to retire from public life. You've more than enough money to spend the rest of your days on holiday or in the pub so just do that instead.

hi I’m Zoe and I dj inside Wembley Stadium - here’s what I played before night 1 of Oasis tonight if anyone was curious!

Stop the windmills!!

This is OK isn't it??

Can't imagine what it's like to be enough of a radicalised schmuck to go and protest outside a place housing some asylum seekers.

Ninja Warrior is just a 1980s PE session with a water feature. Get the wall bars out.

Chock full of heroines that England women's football team. #WomensFootball #womenseuros2025 #europeanchampions

Sunday night comedy.

The trouble with people who are racist is that they genuinely can't enjoy anything good that happens. They can't share the joy with the rest of us. Tragic.

"We live on a floating rock. Just get on with it. ❤️ *

If ever we needed Hugh Grant in Love Actually prime minister mode it was now.

This. Absolutely this! ❤️

Evening yomps.

Cheeeeooooon.

The pain list (in order): #1 upturned plug "Aaaaargh!" #2 piece of lego "Jesus Christ!" #3 pebbly beach "ah oo ah oo ah oo"

Burglar Bill was a favourite when I was little. Powerful memories of mum reading it to me and me finding the baby absolutely hilarious. Priceless.

If it takes you most of the day to shoot and share your 'morning routine', it's not a morning routine is it!! Nob.

I have one Facebook memory for today. Simply says this... "Beer fridge safely installed in classroom."

Ey up! It's Yorkshire Day!

Gett off. Prince. Absolute filth!!