Everybody: You said you were gonna pace yourself. Me: No, I said I was gonna PISS myself.

Brand new. youtu.be/5SzESdUmNg4

youtu.be/pYXEDy156L0

Singer/songwriter? No. Binger/bongwriter.

This Christmas, don't lose sight of the REAL REASON FOR THE SEASON: Earth's axial tilt.

you say rice pudding, I say advice pudding. you want some advice? get some pudding.

Why are Nathan's Franks not called Nate Doggs?

If you're looking to have a terrible time, reading the comments section of any FoxNews article is an excellent exercise in masochism.

Was "Fade Into You" just "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" for Gen X'ers?

why did the crab go to prison crimes

The only song I've ever karaoke'd is Friends in Low Places by Mr Garth Brooks.

Why is spaghetti so long? This isn't a joke, like I actually hate it.

Ron Filipkowski

Creative people need time to sit around and do nothing

Don't claim you love heavy metal if you can't name this band.

Shopping for clearance-priced cargo shorts and it feels super age-appropriate.

Working in a kitchen is great because I get to stress eat and recoup stolen labor value all in the same bite.

Two Words: Three More Words.

#theowlsarenotwhattheyseem