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I only speak like a pirate in rum on sentences.

Why is it called motorboating and not a milkshake?

I would tweet about vaginas but looks like all the good vagina tweets have been snatched up.

From today forward I will only dance like Davey Jones in The Monkeys Day Dream Beliver.

If I had to choose between Tic Toc and Facebook, I'd probably choose vodka.

Why is it we don't hear about quicksand anymore??

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours* *Amazon shopping cart

#May4th #May4thBeWithYou #StarWars

#MayThe4thBeWithYou #May4thBeWithYou #StarWarsDay

🎶I needed retweets 'cause I had none I fought the algorithm and the algorithm won 🎶

Not to brag but I’m pretty sure I’ve left DNA all over my house.

Christmas caroling is just another fancy term for home invasion.

You've never heard of the Millennials Falcon?...It's the ship that didn't care about the Kessel Run as long as it got a participation trophy

If you can still see his knuckle tats, he's not that into you.

Storm Trooper 1: Party on Wayne. *giggles* ST2: Party on Darth. *Giggles* Vader: *sighs* I hate watching Wayne's World with you guys.

Me: For Star Wars day I'm putting my blaster on "Stun" for you tonight. *slow wink* Wife: Whew, because I think it's been stuck on "Meh"

My favorite episode of Star Wars is the one with the Tribbles.