Martians have the death beam pointing at Earth… give me an American to make a putt in the Ryder Cup. I’ll see y’all in hell.

After watching multiple European golfers hug each other from the back, I’m starting to think there may be more going on behind the scenes. (Gay)

The only thing the European golf team loves more than beans is banging their four ball partner.

Roger Goodell is an unamerican communist for picking bad bunny to perform at halftime.

Please Donald J. Trump replace Bad Bunny with Dua Lipa

Against all odds, I’ve stained my stainless steel pan. #falseadvertising

That feeling when Mom says we’re having crayons for dinner

Chris Collinsworth calling a chiefs game? Gonna have to watch this bitch on mute #bleedingears

For whatever reason Adam Schefter woke up today and decided to kick the Titans while they’re down. Thanks for the update you fucking tool.

She Beni on my Hana till I hibachi

How many kindergarteners doing the six seven spasm could you beat in a fight with a baseball bat?

They call it the halftime of a Thursday night football game challenge. It’s where you try not to kill yourself because your $5 to win $85 parlay is not on pace to hit.

DraftKings not available in Alabama, and I am BORED OUT OF MY MIND. My brain demands player prop parlays that the offshore bookie cannot provide.

They call me Madison Beer because of the way I’m Mad For Some Beer!

You won’t be fooling my girlfriend if you leave a magnum in my car #average

Cheering on my air fryer rn #gimmethosenuggies

Thinking about putting the cart before the horse, anyone with me?

Celebrity Stat Progression: Money 🆙 Fame 🆙 Common sense 📉 That minor looks touchable! 🆙