Please

why are you, a sentient being, emailing my work email on December 28

me, age 22 (hopeful): anything can happen! me now (horrified): anything can happen

Stop fucking interviewing them

Sorry I missed your call I was waiting for my phone to stop ringing

Remember when everyone would skip class in college to day drink in the nice weather? Can we do that with work too

Today is my birthday. I’m not a big birthday guy. Everybody gets born. It’s nothing to be proud of. So instead of birthday wishes I’d ask you to sent 1 negative tweet to any of my enemies. Do not threaten them. Just remind them that they stink. Thank you.

The dentist said I grind in my sleep

hear me out…life, but easier and more fun

Millennials de-escalate by adding "lol" at the end of everything. AIM tendencies.

I think JFK killed himself

nightmare collab just dropped

No get my god damn dog on the flight

Oh okay so when Jason Kelce does it everyone loves it but when I do it it’s “time to go home”