Never fear, the girl with the big tits and fat knees will fucking fix everything. Again.

those moments filled with amazing experiences we’ll never forget.

What. A. Fucking. Day.

don't be hard on her, be hard in her.

Every email finds me anxious

Be nice asshole 😘🤘

Some people are completely worth the time.

As we get older, we realize certain truths, like bitches ain’t shit and the show must go on

you better t-chex yourself before you t-rex yourself.

Can I come over and yell in your pillows?

fuck you, we’re having a good day today

knowing I can take it there but choose not to is growth to me

Laughter is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

A list of mays for May, if I may:

May your barbecues be aflame
May your sausages remain dry
May your cushions be out
May your deckchairs be primed
May you only need light jackets
May you enjoy a 99 with flake (for £2.50)
May your bank holidays be quite quiet really
May the

People who walk around the grocery store with an actual physical list are so damn cute.

when you realize you have nothing to prove, that’s when you’ll find a bit of peace.

If your main goal in life is to 'win' against another woman you've already lost. It's sad.

I’ve unfollowed everyone I wouldn’t get high with…so if you’re reading this…meet me in the alley out back.

don't mistake my softness for weakness

Whatever you say to your kids affects the fuck out of them later in life. Kids need love, not your critique.