Oddly Pacific Tweets (@chaseintheface) 's Twitter Profile
Oddly Pacific Tweets

@chaseintheface

Stop reading my tweets! This is my private journal.

ID: 946996466

calendar_today14-11-2012 03:39:14

3,3K Tweet

83 Followers

230 Following

Oddly Pacific Tweets (@chaseintheface) 's Twitter Profile Photo

| a state trooper who has to take the same one lane road to get home after work, everyday | <car slows to almost a halt in front> state trooper: <takes glasses off> Mother of God.

Oddly Pacific Tweets (@chaseintheface) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Flopped my coveralls down to take a leak and received a heart attack from a loud metal clang. Apparently, I forgot about the saw blade in my pocket. That’s all well and good, but I came to piss and now I’ve shat me self.

Flopped my coveralls down to take a leak and received a heart attack from a loud metal clang. Apparently, I forgot about the saw blade in my pocket. That’s all well and good, but I came to piss and now I’ve shat me self.
Oddly Pacific Tweets (@chaseintheface) 's Twitter Profile Photo

01.27.2022 Message log: After 36 years of life, the ‘funny bone’ is STILL not. fucking. funny. Further research is not required. Note: possibility of further research extremely high.

Oddly Pacific Tweets (@chaseintheface) 's Twitter Profile Photo

[watching Wyatt Earp on Netflix] Kevin is drunk after his wife died and molotov’s his home. Me: He done fell off since Field of Dreams. Damn shame.

Oddly Pacific Tweets (@chaseintheface) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Alright America. That’s it for me. I’m done. I finally got scientific data for how I perform in bed. Turns out it’s so bad that my ole lady needs a whole day to recover. She has to mentally prepare for the next time 😞. Anyway, I’m sorry America. I’ve let you down.

Oddly Pacific Tweets (@chaseintheface) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Apps these days are too invasive. Facebook will ask “what’s on your mind?” Bitch. Mind your business. I just beat off and now I’m cooking chicken in the air fryer. Can I live tho? Shit. Always up in my business.

Oddly Pacific Tweets (@chaseintheface) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Doctor, I can assure you, I take the utmost care of my body. Doc: What did you have for dinner last night? *long pause* Me: 37 Dino Nuggets.

Reina Sultan 🇱🇧 (@sultanreina) 's Twitter Profile Photo

As a person who lotions my whole body after every shower, I wish there was a way for me to just dip myself in my lotion and be done with it lmao

Justin Whang 🐙 (@justinwhang) 's Twitter Profile Photo

If I had Mr Beast’s money, I wouldn’t help anybody. I would build a floating lab on international waters and hire scientists to invent weird, horrifying new animals.

Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) 's Twitter Profile Photo

You know those bumper stickers that say “football mom” or whatever I need one that says “my kid watches a lot of YouTube”

tate (@50firsttates) 's Twitter Profile Photo

if my parents told me they were adopting a brother and brought home an anthropomorphic rat named stuart i would fucking lose my mind