(Interrupting my wife’s zoom meeting) Hey babe I noticed you didn’t cut my blueberries in half when u made my snack earlier? I guess you want me to choke and die? (Noticing myself reflected in her webcam next to her coworkers) nightmare blunt rotation lmao

sabrina carpenter: so what's the joker? barry keoghan: he's sart of like an evil porson

S.Holmes: it is quite apparent to me by the way you held your joint in the manner of a cigarette and your furtive puffs that you are not as experienced a smoker as you claim, to say nothing of the way you coughed like a little bitch me, humiliated but astounded: the very thing..

The 19th Century’s last futile gasp of revenge on the 21st.

If you get killed by a wild animal, sorry, but shit happens. We have to take some Ls. If it happened to me I’d be horrified at any kind of retaliatory cull.

god it would almost be worth it, wouldn't it?

this is how it feels when you get to chat about something you read on Wikipedia recently

información muy importante para la comunidad de lobos malos

[Agent Smith voice]: Peter Mandelson.

He would say that though

If I was doing the ski biathlon I would simply establish a healthy lead, pick a high point with good visibility on the track and 'dig in'. From this position I would use my rifle to eliminate the other competitors as they approach.

happy birthday gromit 🐾

it feels so pathetic to have a bad day at work when you work remotely like ohhhhh I’m so sad it was so difficult clicking on things all day from the comfort of my own home. whatever man

You would laugh though, wouldn't you?

it's been a rough few years on the british left, but i have to admit that getting to watch the most venal, spineless, dishonest man in british politics publicly dine on a bucket of shit over the course of several months is going some way to make up for it 👍

Argo, but it's smuggling Big John out of the Chinese restaurant in Dubai.

If the Greens are really serious about winning, they need to acquire a weird clique who have absolutely nothing in common politically with the rest of their members, and completely despise all their voters, and they need to put this clique in charge.

somethin kinda neat i found out…if you ignore a problem for long enough, it either goes away or ruins your life. so 50/50. pretty good odds.