Rob.

Someone with my social security number as their username just liked my tweet

Candace Owens You are so beautiful it scares me

Alex Caruso BLOCKED a shot with his SHOE 😭

i knew from a young age i wanted to go out and get twerked on

On a date ordering a performative salad barely touching it then drinking a beer every five minutes for the next two hours

How Conservative Women in America act 😂🇺🇸

when i metchu in the summa

when you're holding casino butter, everything looks like a stone

i just read this caption out loud and hundreds of birds started flying head first into my window

Imma jack off all trades and masturbate none

a beautiful woman named beep is trying to contact me through my carbon monoxide alarm

before it clicked i thought this was a guy who was just genuinely bewildered by subtraction

Grown ass man with hiccups

Oh im getting a call. DECLINED! jackin off!!!

*bouncing behind my wife on a pogo stick* a divorce!?

if I laid an egg once i don’t think id mention it. maybe under my breath at a party a few years later

In the 60s they didn’t say “type shit” they said “far out”

30 year old man btw 😭