Now Spain won't have us for holidays either as well as everywhere else. And Denmark and Norway have left out Sweden.Whole thing of holidays has become like being picked for school netball team and nobody wants us on their team. Only remaining option will be Intoxicaytion.

Tom just said "It's like the country's being run by the staff of Foxtons"

Happy New Year. Am turning entire home into Buddhist-esqe Zendo purging all extraneous possessions and clutter thus allowing chi to re-flow!

Must say Cameron v. impressive in speech re: hostages, even though am not Tory.

- very in control, & organized. Also PM sort of RADIANT , as if has been having all sorts of beauty treatments and facial peels

Why get on with your work this Monday morning.?Waste time instead! Bad lip reading of Obama's inauguration. Funny. youtube.com/watch?v=fpwhA-…

Spring is in the air! Unaccustomedly light and gay!, even putting strange pink blazer in Net a Porter basket as symbol of impending Spring!

So confused. If you reply to someone does everyone else see the reply, or just them ? How do you find messages? Does God exist? Did Earth j.

Hmm.Trying to tweet a pic re #maryandmartha Malaria film this Fri BBC1 8.30. But how would one tweet a non-i-phone yet e-mail picture. Fax?

Mmmm. Daniel being all serious. #HackingTrial bit.ly/twgd14 Plse RT & sign the declaration at #LevesonNow thndr.it/1lxcDtp”

Is it just me that, as soon the sun comes out, gets into a panic that am not making good enough, full enough, use of the sunshine?

Helen Fielding is attempting how to figure out instagram on Helen Fielding_ ...If you want to look at any of her marvelous recipes or anything

Actually ( increasingly desperate) would you follow me on Instagram please? I've only got 16 followers. Helen Fielding_ I wrote Bridget Jones and everything. Honestly.

Right. Realize goal of instagram is to make self look fraudulently marvelous and thus everyone else feel shit about themselves for a brief painful second. Bizarre role-reversal but should be manageable! Instagram: HelenFielding_

#valentine'sday ( airily) is ridiculous and cynical commercial exploitation of people's tender hearts. Ooh! Have got valentines bitmoji. Love Valentines's Day.

#thoughtfortheday It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going really well, another will start completely falling apart.

Happy #InternationalWomensDay And up yours to Mr Titspervert and his ilk - if I'd written that diary in the #metoo era he could not have existed.

#superficialthoughtfortheday Can officially confirm that the way to a man's heart these days is not beauty, sex, or love, but the ability to seem not very interested in him.

Kevin's last episode - as funny and brilliant as the inimitable Kevin Curran. x.com/mattselman/sta…

#thoughtfortheday from my mother " a good cook is an artist as well as a craftsman" check out my recipes on instagram @HelenFielding_