Parents always say they want eyes in the back of their heads but I would trade those in a heartbeat for ears that could automatically close.

I completed my first marathon today... could have stopped after one movie, but I persevered.

I struggle more than usual during the winter. March 1st always represents hope. It didn’t last year. It was the beginning of all of this. But it’s March 1st again. Fingers crossed this time.

I'm just one vaccination away from going back to licking doorknobs.

This is not as comedic as the title suggests, and yes my wife okayed the piece. goodmenproject.com/featured-conte…

Been a hard year for a lot of marriages, mine included. Thanks for running this piece.

Any chance my son doesn’t become a serial killer?

Women never apologize. They just sleep naked and let you decide if you’re still mad or not.

It’s ok cicadas, my husband only gets to have sex once every 17 years, too.

“God, my daughter can’t take that phone out of her hand for one minute,” I think disdainfully, as I bring my phone with me into the bathroom to pee.

This is brilliant!

Hear me out, daily word limits for children.

I don’t know about y’all, but I don’t have any more passwords left in me.

Been feeling a little moody and run down lately, so I googled my symptoms to see what I might have. It’s kids. I have kids.

Who needs a haunted house when you're already trapped in your own brain, just haunting the fuck out of yourself.

Is it unreasonable to expect a spouse to stick with you through a long period of depression the way they would be expected to stick with u through a long illness like cancer?

First piece in a while. Marriage is really freaking hard.

New piece for The Good Men Project goodmenproject.com/featured-conte…

In honor of this moronic decision, here’s a piece I wrote for Newsweek about our hard decision to abort a fetus at 18 weeks. newsweek.com/why-decided-ab…