šŸ’„Brett DruckšŸ’„ (@brettdruck) 's Twitter Profile
šŸ’„Brett DruckšŸ’„

@brettdruck

Castmember on Laughs on FOX/ HULU, guy from that chivalry meme, comedian.

ID: 36053782

linkhttp://brettdruck.com calendar_today28-04-2009 12:39:13

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šŸ’„Brett DruckšŸ’„ (@brettdruck) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I tried couples therapy with an ex. Obviously it didn't work out, I think because I showed up to our first session with a score card.

šŸ’„Brett DruckšŸ’„ (@brettdruck) 's Twitter Profile Photo

My father who hasn't driven a car in 3 years and whose parking skills were questionable for years before that just said to me "Just once before I pass away, I'd like to park a car again." I was like "As long as I'm not in the car so I don't have to pass away too." We laughed.

šŸ’„Brett DruckšŸ’„ (@brettdruck) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I love giving other comics ideas/tags for their jokes because if they try it and it works I'm a hero, but if it bombs, I'm not on stage.

šŸ’„Brett DruckšŸ’„ (@brettdruck) 's Twitter Profile Photo

People talk about what hill they'll die on a lot. They'll be like "Pineapple does not go on pizza and that's a hill I'm willing to die on!!" I'm more like "Eat what you want because it only effects you and that's a plateau I'm willing to live on comfortably."

šŸ’„Brett DruckšŸ’„ (@brettdruck) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Sometimes it feels like T-Mobile is gaslighting me about having service. It's like "I told you you have five bars, why do you need to load an app? You don't trust me? Wow that's hurtful. Why would I load an app for someone who is so abusive?"

šŸ’„Brett DruckšŸ’„ (@brettdruck) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I don't think doctors amd nurses should be able to tell me my blood pressure measurement without also telling me whether that's good or bad. They're like "Your blood pressure is 120/80" and then there's silence and I'm like "So... 1.5?"