every day seth rogen wakes up, logs onto twitter, shows everyone the cool vase he made today and then simply bullies ted cruz to death and i just want to say i’m very proud of him

Tonight’s sunset gave a nice little glow to this lovely stretch of #SantaCruz coastline... 📷 | Ben Ingram Visuals

“why don’t you have your camera on?” me:

is it bad if i’m basically half that age and literally have jolly ranchers in my purse at this very moment?

There are a lot of Jane Fonda moments to love but this is my favorite

me just trying my best

Domestic partnerships: mostly interrupting your partner to force them to look at your shared pet. You do this as if it were an emergency. You do this with a raised voice and an unpleasant intensity. Pet looks the same as yesterday and five minutes ago. That doesn’t matter. Look.

dog: *in tears* i was barking but- judge: take ur time dog: he still went to work jury: *audible gasp*

Blue Lives Matter - except Jan. 6th Tough on terrorists- except white nationalists My body, my choice! - for masks & vaccines only Cancel culture’s bad - except when I do it Deport undocumented - except my nanny No big govt - except banning private business requiring proof of vax

I want to have a party where everyone brings their favorite Trader Joe’s product and a joint

A Supreme Court where 5 of 6 conservative justices were appointed by GOP presidents who initially lost popular vote & confirmed by senators representing minority of Americans are taking away voting rights & reproductive rights from millions of Americans. This is not democracy

Having a pet is so therapeutic cause you’ll be in a bad mood & you’ll look over & they’re just sitting there being all cute & it’s like you know what, you’re right

[me arriving late to things] sorry supply chain problems

2019: avoid negative people 2020: avoid positive people 2021: avoid people 2022: a void

Losing the voting rights bill and getting woke M&Ms instead feels about right

u should be able to order a chocolate chip cookie medium rare

My oil painting of Taco Bell

Supreme Court my ass