The sadder I get the funnier I seem to become. Anyways, going on tour for my stand up in a few months if this keeps up.

I. Wish. I. Was. Happy.

Jared Leto is the MGK of acting.

Movies : “let’s go on an adventure where anything can happen!” Also movies : “hey look, everything we needed to have happen! How convenient!”

My money doesn’t wiggle wiggle or fold. It just doesn’t exist.

I love how being forced to wear a mask to protect others was considered “unconstitutional” and “an attack on our freedoms” by the same people who want to control women’s bodies. 🤦🏻‍♂️

When it’s 2022 and My Chemical Romance releases new music

It’s fitting that my birthday month is also Mental Health Awareness month.

8-5-22

“I clipped my wings, just for the excuse of not putting myself to better use.”

Why the fuck am I even still on this thing? #MyTwitterAnniversary

our drummer james will be at this tonight, its his favorite band. if you see him party with him its gonna be a wild one

reminder

Chapstick is a cool name, but I rather call it Liplotion.

Now that we’ve accepted Dad Bods as being sexy can we start acknowledging Mom Bods the same way??

Don’t back into a parking spot when you can barely do so normally. Glad you spent the extra effort reassuring everyone that you are in fact a dumbass.

I get it when religious people say “the Lord is testing me”. I don’t believe in god but something is testing me right now.

We know that Jazz exists We know that Djent exists So why doesn’t Djazz exist?

If you don’t fart in front of your partner, is it actually love?

We are currently heading for a societal collapse. Simply because we chose to use technological advancements not to better our species as a whole, but to consume each other whole.