May the fourth time I hear a Star Wars joke today be the last.

A 2021 ProPublica investigation found that child support payments totaling $1.7B annually were taken from families by the government. Since then, at least six states have rewritten their laws to allow the money to flow directly to kids. propub.li/3WsBdZg

*me as a podcast host*

Please follow my guests, I'm not certain they continue to exist when they aren't being perceived

Bad enough the cat climbs into the litter box while I'm scooping it but does he have to stare me down while he does

*if I worked in an office*

Me: Working too hard or hardly too working?

should we be concerned that the professors who are taking on the greatest risk of being beaten and arrested seem to be mostly historians

Drank a boatload of caffeine on an empty stomach, so naturally I'm somewhere between a raging bull and a chihuahua.

Can, do, and will continue to.

Every single student occupying those campuses is braver than every single pig in riot gear trying to hurt them in the name of a bigger boot to lick

Have you ever considered blah blah blah etc?

my husband secretly hates that i’m the funny one

me: oh cool this concert is only $25

ticketmaster: bitch you thought

Homeowners: we want some crown moulding in the dining room, and a bunch of holes in the outside of the house

Carpenter Bees: [nodding] sounds good

People are worse than ever right now. This has to be rock bottom right?

I once bought a $40 souvenir book from an art exhibit about anti-capitalism 📚

“Where seldom is heard a discouraging word” so, the opposite of Twitter, then

You ask for a Swedish massage and then get mad when I roll meatballs on your back

*me as a podcast host*

Please follow my guests, I'm not certain they continue to exist when they aren't being perceived

Noticing that some of these protesters are wearing glasses. Who paid for the glasses???

Have you ever considered blah blah blah etc?