Not all couples have gym memberships. Some relationships don't work out.

I think the best part about having teens is the constant reminder that they know everything.

Gabriel Lekegian - Vue des Pyramides, Eclipse du Soleil du 30 Août 1905.

I wasn't drunk, I always ask people their favourite colour of the alphabet... I mean who doesn't?

I'm sad that the cicadas missed the eclipse

ME: yo hoe I’m in my toga where’s my grapes?

WIFE: honey, I love you, I’m tired, will u put the tinfoil over the lasagna and stick it in the fridge

Spent a fortune on a limousine, but it didn't come with a driver. All that money and nothing to chauffeur it.

Clouds during the eclipse

Dropped the ice cube tray.
Made a mess at first.
But now it's just water under the fridge.

Greeters at Walmart are on howdy duty

Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford, New York, 1979

Me: welcome to my she shed

Gynecologist: please don’t call it that

Enfant prodige is a person under the age of 10 who produces meaningful output at the level of an adult expert. Why and how do they happen?

This is 5-year-old Alberto Cartuccia Cingolani playing Mozart's Piano Sonata No. 16 in C major.

It's amazing that the thousand islands managed to come together and agree on a single dressing.

My kid said “I didn’t think you could buy air until I bought a bag of chips,” and she isn’t even being ironic.

🎶 Just Curt Smith of Tears For Fears singing 'Mad World' with his Daughter #80s

I just realised Liam Neeson trained both Bruce Wayne and Obi-Wan… the nerd in me is gonna need a minute

NO CHEATING your last saved celebrity is your therapist…who is it?

Philosophically asking:

Does it prove
that there is a Divine Creator
or disprove

That we live on a planet 2/3rds
underwater and we are born without gills?