giving out candy like it’s Halloween (spreading herpes at an orgy)

did you know beer is 96% water? that means you’re obeying the doctor’s orders to drink more water when you drink more beer

i’m inside a bus showing everyone a picture of an emaciated ariana grande repeating “she’s my guardian angel please don’t let her die”

Update: I got fired from my corporate job of 8 years for speaking out against an ongoing genocide.

if woody allen was a real one, he’d post the newly released epstein photos with him in it on his instagram page, no caption

hey i haven’t posted in a while. does anyone remember me? i’ve been doing well enough to not use this site

i want my gravestone to say “night blooming onion”

When I was a twink, I sucked like a twink, I fucked like a twink. When I became a bear, I put away twinkish things.

u ever just sit on the shitter n wait for shit to come out?

for consumption: one baby video, never viewed

nobody wants to say this but King of Queens was never the same after 9/11

i tried to google bikini pics of her but i don’t know how to spell Burttnie Speiers

K Yeah Say Anything was a good band…for me to poop on.

Sharon, i couldn’t find any other way to express myself, i hope you can be able to understand me and find it in your heart to forgive me through this picture i made for you

me watching the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes upon on a jasmine-scented spring morning: who’s this fucking bitch right here?

it is possible to wipe too hard

I work at a prison all day then I come home and watch police body cam footage

wallace You ever get so horny you have to freeze your poop

a tit for a tat will leave the whole world with a double masectomy

i Philip her K until my Dick totally recalls