taking a dump at ikea and everyone can hear my holes opening and closing that includes my urethra

so let's just say hypothetically i had a friend stuck his penis in really hot mashed potatoes and it's burning a lot and now it's still hot and swelling the pain is unbearable. should this friend go to the hospital or will it be okay on its own

you're doing prone bone wrong if you aren't crushing your balls a few times

i don't even ask for my usual mcdonald's order anymore. i just look at them like this

me before i discovered things about myself

to pee or not to pee. that is the breastion

i got a roll of quarters stuck up my butt once and the er staff thought i was trying to bribe them

i banged my elbow and bruised the side of it now i'm having a non-alcoholic caesar

it's like drinking ketchup. but not in a bad way. the pickle garnish was very hearty and tasty

i'm giving sloppy head to a poutine in my beat-up chud car in the mcdonald's parking lot while i ride out a wave of mental illness

does anyone even find tiger striped love handles attractive anymore (asking for a friend who is actually me)

did you ever notice how stuff wasn't all political before obama got elected this message was brought to you by newsmax

achoo

i just boofed peptides so that pretty women in the grocery store will talk to me

this isn't yogurt. it's mygurt

nobody will judge you if you get a boner while shopping for produce

when i jerk off it sounds like a full table of blue collar men eating wet pasta

beautiful women named final notice are trying to contact me via the mail

boob sweat tuesday tomorrow

i'd like to claim credit for the bronze shower. it's my unique twist on the golden shower but it's given by somebody with severe kidney problems