don't ask me if i play the ukulele. why would you ask me if i play the ukulele? look in your heart. you know you know the answer.

People asking "why would a kind god kill innocent babies?" Miss the point There's no god Babies are weak as shit Everything dies Enjoy Arbys

Enjoy Arbys. The official meat or sandwiches or something of whatever bullshit you're stupid enough to believe in today

Am I the only one who thinks this looks like a lover's spat and the human is begging the dog to reconsider?

Tomorrow's drop off is postponed until we can be absolutely sure everyone has seen the Game of Thrones finale. Spoilers are unacceptable.

This is puzzling. The toddlers just simultaneously yelled, "New trial for Adnan!" We've been #ScreenFree all afternoon. Are they tapped in?!

Some sassy one-liners, a charming smile, and a tragic past are all I'll ever need to escape jail time for being a thief/con artist/assassin.

We are a reasonable country- what more do you want? We're keeping guns out of playgrounds! Come on! #sandalsnosocks

New Iron Man is a young black woman. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. So you're projecting an assumed gender on zher?! And what does "young" imply? Outraged

In preparation for October 31st Dress Up Holiday, we ask that our friends only dress up as their favorite vegetable or sustainable food item

The only "pussy grabbing" at LFDC is @ our Wheels For Paralyzed Cats event, and we ALWAYS get vocal consent (meow or hiss at the very least)

We dont listen to the new Bruno Mars song because of the line "girl fix your face" (extreme body shaming) and "24 carat magic" (materialism)

The US must greatly strengthen and expand its nuclear capability until the world comes to its senses regarding [me] #ChangeOneTrumpWord

I will hold a press conference in the near future to discuss [insanity], Cabinet picks and all other topics of interest. #ChangeOneTrumpWord

If the press would cover me accurately & honorably, I would have far less reason to [live]. #ChangeOneTrumpWord

Heading to New Hampshire. Will be talking about the disaster known as [buyer's remorse]. #ChangeTrumpTweets

If Obama worked as hard straightening out our country as trying to elect Hillary, we'd all [still unfairly hate him] #ChangeTrumpTweets

U.S. Consumer Confidence for December surged nearly 4 pts to 113.7 HIGHEST [Nonsense Groupthink] IN MORE THAN 15 YEARS! #ChangeTrumpTweets

Trump's new director of Health and Human Services, the honorable Bill Cosby. #MAGA #TrumpInaugural #SadlyThisWouldntBeSurprising