It’s like watching the Mona Lisa being painted.

a beautiful chinese woman named Deer Xing is communicating with me through road signs

[feeding a baby before airplanes were invented] here comes the spoon. if you’d like additional whimsy you have to imagine it yourself

“Do you regret taking money from programs that may have led to people dying?” “No. It was more important to reduce the deficit from $2 trillion to almost nothing.” “And did you reduce the deficit at all?” “No.”

[First Date] me: so what are your hobbies? she: hiking me: hi queen

What chatgpt has revealed is that a surprising large number of people want to be “seen” as intelligent, profound or insightful. Many more people than you’d assume. But they profoundly resent intellectual work or reading or study or, say, literally anything you do to get smarter

Dads were cooking when they invented Sneezing Loud As Fuck

why is wearing a hat as someone who doesn't usually wear hats so difficult and humiliating. it feels like everyone can tell i don't know what i'm doing

i need to get fucking BLACKOUT with them oh my god

so sick showing ur passport to get into a bar. hello guard. i am a diplomat from very far away. please beer please please please please beer

i chose to read my novel instead of watching TikTok even though i was soooo tired. so i’m assuming when i die i’ll be going to some sort of Heaven Deluxe

this is the kind of high quality content i keep locked behind my priv

What a great byline for this story

Just for once it would be nice if my cat said “big stretch” when I did it

emergency vet be like give us three million dollars right now or your cat gets the firing squad

Moon joy [noun] the feeling of intense happiness and excitement that only comes from a mission to the Moon The Artemis II crew bring us endless Moon joy.

Artemis II may have splashed down, but our photos and videos from the mission are still rolling in! Keep an eye on the latest: nasa.gov/artemis-ii-mul…

Reminded of one of the all time great tweets.