This is a code Distraction1690, all members please respond.

For all you haters out there, I have my lucky brooch & my love glasses. (JB watch out for the Wrightbus coming your way)

Lady Foster of Fermanagh has a nice ring to it

Oh dry your eyes, the Belfast Agreement has been dead for years.

My red lines are actually more of a blood orange.

Bow down before me Tories and I will decide which of you are worthy.

Dear all, it’s with great sadness that I need to inform you that Theresa is a lying scheming bitch. Had a great chat with Michelle earlier, she told be so many ways of getting back at the English, Arlene & Michelle BFFE

Told Teresa that Unionism won’t be pushed around by anyone. I’ll be convening a meeting with Defence Minister Stitt and the Orange Order before any decisions on this agreement

BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH. Told her she wasn’t invited to the DUP conference in 2 weeks BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH, BITCH.

Business should know their place in politics, it’s handing over donations not playing politics

Starting to get that horrible feeling that you just can’t trust a Tory.

Arlene’s on fire, da da da da da da da Arlene’s on fire Love conference day

Ian, did you not listen on Saturday, the message to you was STOP BEING A WANKER.

Probably heading to a new election soon, just called Michelle, think we need her to parade Gerry around soon. #GSTQ #GE19 #VoteDUP

Hey Theresa May if you need a tip for the no confidence vote, try talking about the IRA.

We also asked to have his penis managed by the party, this too was rejected.

All DUP MPs, MLAs and councillors will receive priority passes to continue their outstanding work. Michelle, your lot will need to resort to the dodgy diesel again

Seriously, it paid us £1bn so far. The most loyalist part of the Kingdom, we’ll soon be getting a lot more. Ps. Jeffrey tells me we also accept roubles again

For everyone interested, we also negotiated the removal of Karen Bradley from NI. May she never darken our door again

Get in line. We’re still owed £500m.